WOUNDED BUT HEALED: BROKEN BUT LOVED

WOUNDED BUT HEALED:

BROKEN BUT LOVED

Br. Allen P. Peña, SSS

N obody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people. How would you feel when everyone utters belittling comments to you? You are worthless! A dummy! A weak, silly creature! Do these words also sound familiar to you? Can you resonate with those?

In the past, these were the words that often resonate day in and day out during my childhood years. They were like my breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yes, they were like heavy baggages of load which keep on burdening my life; like the oceans turbulent waves that sweep away every confidence I could ever muster. I was afraid to live...afraid of knowing what is going to happen in my life. At night I would lie awake and wonder how long would this hurt lasts? When my father talked about me to other people, I shrunk in embarrassment. I felt I was a piece of ice cube starting to melt. Around my peer I’m shy and I easily get intimidated. I have a lot of fears, of insecurities and ghosts that keep haunting me." You are the dumbest kid I ever knew!" That was my father’s favorite line. But the good thing is I know deep down in my wounded heart, I wasn’t dumb. I wasn’t stupid. Not at all! There is a sense of greatness lurking inside of me and I could make it shine ... it will be seen in no time.

That was a story in the past...a story which has found a new ending... Tom Sanford says “things from one’s past take major importance in shaping the present.” Now after twenty five years, I can say that the window of the past has been closed and the door to a new horizon has opened my life. It is not easy to mend a broken self. I strived to reach the most difficult stage in my life and later I survived. I have turned every painful fiber of my experiences into a source of inspiration. The wounds I have had challenged me to endure the pain of putting myself back to its proper direction. With confidence I can say to myself that I am good, intelligent in my own right, creative and in all humility, a wonderful work of art; a masterpiece by the Divine Artist. I owe everything to God! This is a fact that after a long period of living with the wounds, hurts and pains in my life, I have regained back my true self and now I can show the world that indeed, it is possible to be whole again. On one hand, we can deceive ourselves as if we're OKEY but that is only in peripheral. We are all wounded people. The wounding may hurt to the fullest extent but at the end it would be a wonderful experience. We can see ourselves whole again, a wholeness full of faith, hope and love and even sharing this fullness to others.

Now, God is shaping me to become a priest, to be like Him, a Wounded Healer.; to be a healer of souls, an agent of change and restorer of broken lives. Yes, truly I tell you - I am not dumb. I am not worthless. True, I am wounded ... I am broken... but I am loved. And Yes... I will be a wounded healer. I am scarred... but as they say... scarred people are beautiful souls.