ZERO INTEREST

ZERO INTEREST

Br. Alvin Somcio, SSS

How do you feel if the person whom you gave everything; your life, your money – the entire you, becomes someone who will deny you? How do you feel if the person whom you look-up to and who has been your inspiration could never ever trust you.? And how would feel if that someone you loved the most is the very person who will abandon you? Now tell me, how would you ever feel?

All my life, I am fond of investing good deeds and no exchange kind of love to a certain individuals I really liked. As I have remember before, I could even bear to be their servant and do tasks that were beyond my capacity. I fixed their problems. I gave them allowances, allowances that were given to me by my family. Money that was asked for a project, educational trip and any sort of academe related activities that mostly after all were complete LIES. And the most unproductive and foolish thing that I’ve done to those persons is to deny the purpose of my existence. I chose to be understood by this people. I chose to be accepted by this people. I chose to be a fool… because I gave everything to them!! Leaving nothing for myself.

I was left helpless every time they showed that I was unimportant, that I was nothing, and that I have never existed. Foolishness is the next word that poped-out in my mind every time I recalled such moments yet it seemed I have never learned. Prior to my entrance and even before my profession I was still in a relationship hoping that Religious life will not fit my lifestyle and that I am called to a different way of life. I engaged in those situations because I can not deny my feelings – I was madly in love then! After profession, I never gave up! I still found myself fighting such romantic feeling like I was hit by the deceitful arrow ofcupid...I thought I was still in love. But it’s been a year now since I felt I was treated like I never existed at all – unimportant and yes ...nothing.

Because of those experiences, I learned to stand alone! I have learned to fight for what I believe is true! And I have learned to establish a very firm self confidence. Self confidence, which somehow is the reason why most of the people are intimidated by my presence. And the significant realization is the fact that I have learned to appreciate my very being. From that moment, I saw myself in a different perspective that I can exist without those people whom I cherished before. Perhaps loving exclusively is not really meant for me. I felt GOD did not allow it to happen because He has a different plan for me. I am being molded to a life where everyone can embrace my love. Thanks be to God for giving me such a very good religious formation!

Franz Kafka said in his novel metamorphosis “we have to make changes in our daily routine, from the ground up… you sit here in the dark while the living room is streaming with light… you sit in a closed window when the air would do you so much good”. Yes! Franz Kafka is true, why? Because if I give in to those negative investments, I think I won’t be here in front of you. Thank you GOD for allowing me to invest in You because now I have gained good things , and though the changes are neither instant nor quick , I know deep down in my heart that something great is happening inside of me.

If I can turn back the hands of time, I would rather invest in GOD than to my personal wants because investing in HIM would definitely gain unconditional benefits with zero interest.